SUIT UP, BITCH

So Fellas, I have to make a Statement about suits. There's nothing more manly then suits, and there is no other piece of clothing which is only made for men. And if somebody comes around with this crazy combos for women, this is fuckin not a SUIT! Think about it for a second ...
All right, why exists suits? If it would be just about comfort or functionality I would prefer a pullover and my old cord trouser. But how do i look like in my favorite pink wool pullover and an four year old cord trouser? True, not awesome. So, that women see that we care about how we look like an inteligent person invents the suit. This is an plaudit for suits. WEAR SUITS GUYS!
Me and my friends started going out in suits every two weeks. And let me tell you the truth, you not only feel better, you also have a better shot on girls. My experiments brought out that suit REALLY work! So, SUIT UP, BITCHES!

Do you feel the magic this evening?

... this was the first thing a good friend asked me this evening when I came around at his flat. And can you imagine what I felt about this evening? Alright, I always try to see everything as positiv as possible, but without any alcohol I couldn't see any way to feel the magic. So I try some beer to get a touch of his "magic". And how you can imagine, it doens't helped a lot. At least it helped me not to think about this girl, lovely as she is. But I really can't feel his magic. Well, he has a greate idea to raise my mood. Find some hookers, well, not the kind you pay for, more the kind of you buy some drinks and never call back after they went with you. And before anybody askes, yes I'm this kind of a jerk, or as I call me Mr. Awesome.
So we were kind of bored by just walkin up to them and ask for names, smalltalk, bla bla bla ... I'll always wanted to try to do "The Foreigner". For all the old fashioned of you, I'll not pretend to be a Member of them. You wouldn't even believe me how often this works. When you play "The Foreigner" one of you has to be the guy out of town, and the other one has to be from a place far, far away, at best from a different country. As I am from Germany I love to pretend the other guy to be from the States. It would be a lot more interesting to pretend to be from some exotic place like India or Japan, but that's kind of tough to survive when you are really lookin like a central european and don't speak a fuckin word hindu. So my bro pretends to be from New York, Rhode Island if somebody asks, but he is to pathetic to speaks to women. So I have to talk to them first ... I think every knows what I'm talkin about. And for all of them how don't believe that this works, 5 phone numbers and a booty call 2 hours later speak their own language.
But the girl I'm lookin for was still not there. But I firmly believe I'll find her ... someday.
Why I'm so confident? To speak in the words of my bro in my mind, Barney Stinson, I'm legen ... wait for it, just one more moment ... dary . High Five!
One last word at the end. Although I grab up some thoughts of the fictional person, named Barney Stinson, all I'm telling here is the truth. Nothing more or less. And I don't think that all my stories will end like that. Maybe there will never be a happy end with that girl.
So see you next time I have nothing to do and something to tell you ...

btw: To make some thing mor simple I'll call myself Bob (maybe someone got the clue).